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THE EVENT OF THE DECADE!
11.10.04

THE GREATEST NEWS EVER. Gary is to host HIS OWN NIGHT at the Albany on Great Portland Street! There's little information about what's happening exactly on the night just yet apart from it's a "hastily thrown-together evening" in which Gary will be performing some of his favourite songs from his own repertoire, while also showcasing some of his favourite acts from the comedy world he's been so slavishly working in for the past year or so, like Oram & Meeten, Justin Edwards and Neil Edmond from Radio 4's The Consultants, multi-talented sketch group The Trap and other, as yet unconfirmed, special guests. More news on this as we get it, BUT…

The rumour mill suggests that, owing to a secret meeting just recently, we may see something we Gary fans have always been waiting for, ever since we heard of him! Aficionados will know that, before Gary went solo, he was in a "performance punk duo" called
The Radiators of Death (who were also called various other things, like Chromium Dockyard and Symphonic Handshakes In The Ether, because they could never actually settle on a name) with a man called Philip De Vine. Gary and Philip famously fell out many years ago, leaving Gary to contemplate a solo career while Philip went on to form Philip and the Peacocks. But The Peacocks have since disbanded and Gary is on his way toward becoming a megastar, so things have very much changed.

Why are we telling you all this? Well, the exciting news is that (very probably) Philip has formed a new band (we think they're called
Soft Bell) and that they WILL BE PLAYING AT GARY'S CLUB!! If this is true, then this is a HISTORIC OCCASION which simply CANNOT BE MISSED. It's also quite weird because as far as we know, the last time Gary and Philip were in the same room together, Philip threw a chair at him and punched him in the face! What can have changed??

I've got to go and have my hair done now but it has to be said: if you don't go to
Club Le Strange, then you are probably missing out on the most important Gary Le Strange event since he first performed Sex Dummy at the Peterford Golf Club!

SEE OUR EVENTS PAGE FOR FULL DETAILS

Tracy Stork xxx


DISGUSTINGLY OVERDUE CATCH-UP
20.12.04

SORRY… it's been so long since I updated this site! The truth is, I haven't been able to do it since I went away to University in October. At first, I thought I was going to be able to update it every week, but I couldn't take my Mum's computer with me, and since then, everything's been so mad, it's been impossible to fit this in! I've been having a great time while I've been away, but I have missed Mum, and I've definitely missed Michelle. I tried to call her several times while I was away but she was never in at her new place. I thought she was coming back to London for Christmas but her dad says she's gone away to Brighton to spend some time with her new boyfriend (YAWN!). I hope she comes back for the White Christmas we've been promised so we can build a snow Gary in the garden like we always said we would.

Anyway, while I'm home over Crimble, and in Michelle's absence (bah!) I thought I'd try and catch up on some of the things I missed. In fact, our web domain license runs out quite soon, so it makes me think maybe we should buy a dotcom this time, and use the opportunity to revamp the site entirely! We've got permission now to use some MP3 clips of more of Gary's songs, and the FAQ and links pages need serious updates! Gary hasn't been a "Neo-Regency Face Warrior" for some time now (he says his music is moving in a more "glamoronic" direction) and he says he hates grey.

Also bad news on the Gary front… Gary says he's had some trouble with his latest manager (who is also his landlord) and that he has somehow been kicked out of his flat! He's been staying with his friend Mary in Islington for the past few nights while he did a gig with children's entertainer Jeremy Lion, but after that he said he was going up to Doncaster to stay with his Mum… PERMANENTLY! I think it's something to do with some bailiffs being after him, looking for money. He said not to mention it, so… KEEP IT UNDER YOUR HATS!

Good news on the Gary front is that he WILL be back in London in February, to do the wonderful Club Le Strange! I missed the last one (because, obviously, I was in Leicester writing an essay) but Gary says it was quite good, apart from some lunatic fan who kept pestering him all the way through the show. Apparently he'd written some new lyrics for Sex Dummy and, when Gary refused to sing them, this nutter went over the top and started throwing lemons at him. (The second time this autumn! Why does it always have to happen to my HERO?) I hate these idiots who get so destructively possessive of my Gary. If I ever find out who he is I'm going to CHOP HIS NUTS OFF AND STAB HIM IN THE FACE!

I've got to go get some hair wax now and send some last minute cards (you should see my new hairstyle, it's AMAZING), but I'll be back later with more Gary fun!

A happy Christmas and a merry New Year from your never-boring webmeister

Tracy Le Stork xxx

HAPPY NEW YEAR? SHIT NEW YEAR, MORE LIKE!
03.01.05

HELLO, GARY FANS… I would love to be full of the joys of 2005, but unfortunately I've had THE WORST NEW YEAR EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. Why have I had such a shit new year, I hear you ask? Well, no reason really, apart from the fact that THAT BITCH MICHELLE DOESN'T WANT TO DO THE WEBSITE WITH ME ANY MORE!!! THE LITTLE COW!! I've been working on the new, revamped website all Christmas BY MYSELF, while she's been off having a whale of a time in Yorkshire with her NEW RUBBISH MATES FROM SHITTY STUPID COLLEGE. I tried ringing her every day to see when she was going to come back home for Christmas, and when I finally got through to her YESTERDAY, and I talked to her about the website and what I wanted to do with it, she laughed at me and said she didn't want to do the website any more, saying it was stupid and that Gary was stupid and that she didn't like him any more and that he wasn't as good as he used to be! She said she only said she liked him in the first place to make me feel better because she felt sorry for me, and that I was a sad, dumpy freak who didn't know the difference between my arse and my elbow! What's even worse is that she said that Gary WASN'T EVEN A PROPER POP STAR and that he's ACTUALLY AN ACTOR and that EVEN IF HE WAS A PROPER POP STAR, HE'D NEVER GET IN THE CHARTS BECAUSE HE'S NOWHERE NEAR AS GOOD AS BUSTED AND MCFLY!! I couldn't believe my ears! At first I thought she was joking, but then she told me I should go and take a running jump in a lake of fire and hung up on me. I rang back and left a message saying that she was gay and then another one saying that she was ultra-gay and that I'm going to kill her. In fact, I left about 27 messages in all, detailing very slowly and deliberately how I was going to kill her in as painful a way as possible, and about how mega-gay she is and how I would tell everyone that she had clearly fancied me for years. She has now disconnected her phone and changed the number.

So that's it folks! From this moment on, TRACY AND MICHELLE DO NOT EXIST! It's just me now. And it's good really because I never liked her in the first place and she just got in my way and made the website look cheap and amateurish! I'll probably have finished my changes to the website in a few days (I hope so, cos I've got to go back to University on the 10th, where I've got LOADS OF PROPER FRIENDS) and now at least I know I won't have THAT STUPID SHIT-HEAD clogging up my webspace.

GARY NEWS! Gary must have had a rubbish New Year too. Not only did he have to move out of his flat and go and live in Doncaster with his Mum due to financial troubles, his appearance on Radio 2 on December 27th ended in DISASTER when he had yet another fall-out with presenter Andrew Collins! Gary vowed never to be on the programme again and stormed out LIVE ON AIR, after which he presumably got on a train back to Doncaster and spent the next few days crying, just like me. Oh Gary, we're so like each other, so prone to misunderstandings, quarrels and tempestuous emotions! When will we finally realise that we are soul mates, and that we're meant to be together forever in Heaven?

CLUB NEWS! Gary's CLUB LE STRANGE will return to the Albany on Great Portland Street on February 10th (special guests yet to be announced) but in the meantime, why not catch him at the Brixton Windmill on January 13th? Details on my
Events page!

TASKS FOR THIS AFTERNOON! I'm going to spend all day taking stills from my secretly filmed DVD of Gary's brilliant Face Academy show to use on my new-look website. I CAN'T WAIT!!

TRACY ROCKS! TRACY POPS!

May the Face fly with you

Tracy Stork xxx

SITE UPDATES… AND AMAZING NEWS!!
29.01.05

FINALLY I find some time to continue my updates on the site! The start of the new term has been even more hectic than the last one!! I've got exams at the end of this term so I'd better not screw up, and I feel a bit guilty doing this right now rather than writing the essay on High Plains Drifter I'm supposed to be doing. But NOTHING--not even Clint Eastwood--gets in the way of Gary Le Strange!!

The thing is, I've got such exciting news that I CAN'T CONTAIN MYSELF!! Reading between the lines, clever readers may have noticed that I seem to know an awful lot about the ins and outs of Gary's private life lately. The reason for this? Well, I've been exchanging e-mails with Gary for a while now, ever since I secretly met him in Edinburgh this year. Yes, I admit it. I met him. I didn't say anything about it at the time, because, well, I'd been keeping it a secret from Michelle, and I didn't really know how to break it to her. But now she's out of the picture, well, I've nothing to hide any more. Of course, I've met Gary quite a few times since, at gigs and stuff, you know, just on a casual basis. It's OK, there's nothing going on between us, we're just great mates, you know, it's just a casual thing, he says hello and I say hello, and he's very interested in the website and so on, and I love him, you know, but just as a great mate, nothing obsessive or mad. If I ever appear obsessive or mad it's just because I'm sticking up for one of my mates, cos, like, people really take the piss sometimes and they shouldn't have a go at a true artist like Gary, because there aren't very many true artists in the world and they have to be protected, like flowers and gold, and if anybody tries to step on a flower or steal my gold, then there'll be hell to pay, cos I don't take any shit.

Anyway… Gary's been having a bit of a hard time lately, as he told me the last time I saw him at the Windmill in Brixton (which was an amazing gig by the way). He's asked me not to tell you all the details, so I won't, but basically, Gary's been having a lot of financial trouble with his manager (whom I cannot name for legal reasons), who landed him with an expenses bill of £16,258.76 and expected him to pay it immediately. Since Gary didn't actually have an income (his manager took a commission of 125% on Gary's earnings over 2003-04, then paid him a wage of £28.50 a week, which was considered a loan), the idiot should have known he couldn't pay it anyway. Trouble is, the manager was also Gary's landlord, and since Gary also owed several thousand pounds in back rent, the manager has kicked him out and seized his assets, including all the computers he makes his music with, which apparently is completely legal. This means that not only has Gary had to move back to Doncaster to live with his Mum, but it also means that he has had to temporarily shelve plans to complete his third album, which he has been working on for the past few months! I've offered to go round to his manager's house and firebomb it, but Gary says if I do that I will probably end up in prison, and he says I'm of more use to him this side of the slammer, so I won't do it.

Gary did, however manage to keep hold of copies of all his master tapes and some of the new backing tracks he was working on, however, so the exciting news is this…

YOU CAN NOW DOWNLOAD GARY TRACKS FROM THIS WEBSITE!!

Yes! It's true! Finally, you can listen to complete Gary songs from THIS PAGE. Or at least, I hope you can! It's still at the experimental stage right now, and since I haven't uploaded the tracks yet, I don't know whether it works or not. Also, I've been having trouble deciding whether to do them as MP3 files or as Real Player files, and for the moment I've decided on Real Player files, cos they take up less webspace, and I've only got so much of that. But to get the right amount of sound quality, they've still had to be pretty large files, and you might only be able to listen to the tracks if you've got a dual ISDN connection. It's something that will get easier as it goes along. But you've got to let me know if it doesn't work! Feedback please!

OTHER STUFF… After my recent falling out with Michelle, I considered removing all her previous contributions to my site, but she ended up on the phone to me in tears when Busted split up last week, and I decided to exercise mercy. So it looks like we're friends again now, but if she wants to do anything more for this website, she can think again! I'm sorry, Michelle, but sometimes you have to be cruel to others to be kind to yourself. Good luck in your Journalism course, Michelle, I'm sure you'll find other ways to practise your craft. On a local paper or something.

ALSO, I've done loads of other changes, as you can probably see. Unless you're blind, in which case you won't be reading this anyway. Unless someone's reading it to you, in which case, I'm really sorry that you're blind. I really can't imagine what it's like, it must be awful.

The most obvious thing to go is that the horrible old pink colour has gone and has now been replaced with a very suave black design, very much like the cover for Face Academy. The discography page is updated with a new address for CD purchases. Gary is now selling his CDs through his friend Katy, who is a really nice lady and always very helpful. Also Gary has allowed me to print the lyrics for his first two albums, after loads of fans requested them. It's weird reading through the actual lyrics as Gary wrote them. Even I, his greatest fan, got some of them wrong. I always thought he said "red circle on a big wide clock" in
I'm Japanese (it's "white cloth" which makes a lot more sense), and the lyrics about Chaplin in The Golden Age always had me stumped ("Charlie Chaplin's 4A in two khakis"? Now I know what it really says).

What else? Well, there's stuff I haven't finished. The FAQ page still needs a lot of work, and the links page has to be totally revamped. And I still need to change all the internal links, and put loads of new photos on stuff. I really want to change the home page as well. I'm going to try and finish them this weekend, but if I don't finish my essay by Sunday evening I'm going to be in serious trouble, and I've got a party to go to tonight so I probably won't have much time. Still, I've got loads of Pro Plus so I suppose I don't have any reason to sleep!

Hmm… better get on with it! See you later!!

Tracy xxx

GARY ON TV!
20.02.05

AAARRRGGGHH!!! QUICK!! Gary is on TV this week!! CLICK HERE for details from the Events page or CLICK HERE to go straight to the source at the BBC3 website. There's a picture of him with a new haircut and slightly different make-up! It's amazing!! I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT!! THE WORLD WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!!

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