Sitting in a gas mask waiting for World War 3125 Million Sitting in the park with a friend called Doctor Six Oh look, there’s JG Ballard in a burnt out fridge with a Spitfire pilot Took so much smack, I nearly married a car Back in my bedsit, there’s nothing to see Just four grey walls and me and a TV And faded photographs of Nazi stormtroopers in PVC Is my toaster sentient? If not, then how does it know how not to burn the toast? Is my toaster sentient? ‘Cause when mine broke down, I could swear I heard it crying I don’t know why What do you think? Maybe you’d cry if you couldn’t make toast Standing on a staircase in a black rubber top and a long, grey trenchcoat Pink neon light bulb swinging over my head I am not a Romo or a New Romantic, I’m a Cyborg rapist I’m made of gas and wires and electric tubes and tarmac Is my toaster sentient? If not, then why did he give Mr Kettle a kiss? Is my toaster sentient? He likes silent films and his girlfriend’s name is Chronos What’s going on in this messed up world? There are loads of things I just don’t understand Like, what is love? What’s the difference between boys and girls? What’s this penis between my legs for? If I plug it in the wall, will it light up? Or will I die? Is my toaster sentient? Is my blender mad? Is my telephone autistic? Is my car a genius? Is my bin a twat? Is my oven epileptic? Is my Dad a photograph? Is my Mum a spy? Is my grandad made of circuits? Is my face an alien? Is my arse a film? Are my elbows electronic? So, do you wanna come back to my place? We can look at my secret mucky Polaroids Just please don’t tell my Mum
toaster 2003 toaster ITV2 2006 polaroid suitcase 2003 toaster Club Fantastico 2007
Ballerina, Ballerina See him dance across the stage Dressed in silk as white as milk A hero from a bygone age Ballerina, Ballerina See him prancing in his tights Pirouetting in the mist Just like some old heraldic knight Look at him go, he’s a special treat Dancing around on his blessed feet He’s really cool, make no mistake And he’s really amazing in Swan Lake Lake Ballerina, Ballerina Look at you with all your mates All the girls think you’re a hunk And everybody says you’re great Ballerina, Ballerina I wonder what you eat for tea I bet it’s something posh like duck and chips Or chilli con carne Look at him dance on the battlefield Mincing about with a sword and shield Look at him whirl, look at him spin With his bouffant hair and his silver chin You’re really funny You’ve got lots of money You move like a train on a river of chrome And you go “Whoa Whoa Whoa” Ballerina, Ballerina Now you have to catch the plane Fly off back to Russia Or wherever you come from again Ballerina, Ballerina Blasting off into the sky What a shame, I’m so upset I shake my angry fists and cry Oh Ballerina Bye-bye
album Polaroid Suitcase pictures Polaroid Suitcase
video Toaster ITV2 2006 song Is My  Toaster Sentient? video Toaster London 2007 video Toaster  London 2003 video Toaster London 2006 video Toaster Crash 2003