I met a girl, she said her name was MaryShe was a veterinary secretaryShe spent all day listening to meows, barks and croaksThen spent all night dancing for money with blokesShe’s really pushy when she’s out on the pullHer poison arrow shooting right through the bullLike Jocky Wilson and Darth Vader combinedShe threw a treble twenty into my mindWhen love appearsBetween the theres and heresBeneath the sniggers and sneersScratch away the veneersShe got a heart of tearsWell, she was strictly of the sex persuasion3 into 1, I second that equationShe played the nurse and I the evil doctorConnected her to a machine and shocked herHelped her fulfil the wet American dreamSmothered her in Mom’s apple pie and whipped creamShe said she liked it but you never can tellShe liked embroidery and cooking as wellLove interferesAfter one or two beersAnd when the sedative clearsIt can ruin careersShe got a heart of tearsGood God!Bless my soul!I’m always cryingAnd lyingAnd sighingAnd dyingI’m deadAnd then one day when it was bright and sunnyI won the pools and got a load of moneyGave her my heart with chips and peas on a plateShe scoffed it all and ran away with my mateI got so mad I punched a hole in the dogI flushed my golden lame suit down the bogGot me a load of smack and Charlie and weedAnd then I took it all at once and OD’dLove disappearsIn a couple of yearsNo souvenirsOn the beaches and the piersI got a heart of…Well, you don’t always have to judge by the bookYou never always have to leap when you lookDon’t count the crannies when you can’t see the nookDon’t count the broth it takes to ruin the cookWhat are words worth when they cannot speak?What are birds worth when they don’t have a beak?Ah well, I shot myself in one foot and the other’s in the graveThink of the nines we’ll save
I met a girl, she said her name was MaryShe was a veterinary secretaryShe spent all day Listening to meows, barks and croaksThen spent all night Dancing for money with blokesShe’s really pushy when she’s out on the pullHer poison arrow shooting Right through the bullLike Jocky Wilson and Darth Vader combinedShe threw a treble twenty into my mindWhen love appearsBetween the theres and heresBeneath the sniggers and sneersScratch away the veneersShe got a heart of tearsWell, she was strictly of the sex persuasion3 into 1, I second that equationShe played the nurse and I the evil doctorConnected her to a machine and shocked herHelped her fulfil the wet American dreamSmothered her in Mom’s apple pie And whipped creamShe said she liked it but you never can tellShe liked embroidery and cooking as wellLove interferesAfter one or two beersAnd when the sedative clearsIt can ruin careersShe got a heart of tearsGood God!Bless my soul!I’m always cryingAnd lyingAnd sighingAnd dyingI’m deadAnd then one day When it was bright and sunnyI won the pools and got a load of moneyGave her my heart With chips and peas on a plateShe scoffed it all and ran away with my mateI got so mad I punched a hole in the dogI flushed my golden lame suit down the bogGot me a load of smack and Charlie and weedAnd then I took it all at once and OD’dLove disappearsIn a couple of yearsNo souvenirsOn the beaches and the piersI got a heart of…Well, you don’t always have to Judge by the bookYou never always have to leap when you lookDon’t count the crannies When you can’t see the nookDon’t count the broth it takes to ruin the cookWhat are words worth When they cannot speak?What are birds worth When they don’t have a beak?Ah well, I shot myself in one foot And the other’s in the graveThink of the nines we’ll save