As someone with absolutely no interest in sport whatsoever, I’m very surprised at how much
sport-related content there is in my Fairburn work. This is the first piece I wrote about my
own life at Fairburn and it’s about a football match between our school and another school
in one of the neighbouring villages. These games were quite frequent, taking place at least
once a half-term between ourselves and the junior schools of either Burton Salmon or
Brotherton. Not only is this the first such match I ever played, it’s also probably the first
proper football match I ever played, full stop. Prior to this, it hadn’t ever really occurred to
me to do it. I’m sure some kids probably played football at my previous school but I certainly
wasn’t one of them. I wasn’t averse to kicking a ball about every now and again with my
mates, but I had no real understanding of the rules of football and had never been
interested in it as a spectator sport. Oh yes, I loved watching the football results at the end
of Grandstand, but only because it meant Doctor Who was about to start.
At Fairburn, however, liking football was mandatory. Playtimes (there were three daily - mid-
morning, lunchtime and mid-afternoon) were dominated by the sport. The L-shaped junior
playground was basically a big concrete football pitch, a game being held virtually every
single break in the main section of the yard. Girls weren’t allowed to play, of course, meaning
they were relegated to the tiny area round the side of the school by the toilets. As far as the
boys were concerned, if you didn’t play football, you were a girl. Over time, I would come to
hate this and eventually rebelled against it (and sport in general), but when I first moved to
Fairburn, all I wanted was to be accepted. Though occasionally I would stare enviously into
the infants playground, where they were allowed to run around making silly noises and mess
about on the climbing frame.
Fitting in was an uphill struggle. I was marked out as a freak straight away because of my
Bristol City bag. The other boys all supported Leeds United without question, so a bag
proclaiming support for Bristol City clearly wouldn’t be tolerated. What made it worse was
that I didn’t support Bristol City anyway - I just liked the bag because it was red (I really, really
liked red) and of the three bags available in Thourgood’s sweet shop that day, it was
definitely the most visually appealing. Since I was new, the other kids gave me the benefit of
the doubt and tutored me in the ways of Fairburn. By the end of the year, I had a Leeds
United bag instead, plus a Leeds United away strip (yellow shirt and blue shorts), a Leeds
United towel and a pair of football boots. After which, I was fully accepted.
This match against Burton Salmon was a test. Though I’d played football in the playground,
when it came to a proper match against another school, I was an unknown quantity. Hence
sitting on the substitute bench for the first half. When it came to my position as “defender” -
well, I didn’t have the passion to be a striker and I hated being in goal (didn’t like having balls
kicked at me, to be frank), so defence was a good place for me. As I remember, to my
surprise, the other boys all agreed I performed quite admirably - we won this match after all,
despite the opposing team being “up our end” for most of the match, so I probably did
something right. Before long, I had a reputation amongst my peers as a “good defender”.
The real man of the match though was obviously Wayne Kelsey. Even though he was only in
the second year, Wayne had a reputation for being the hardest kid in Fairburn - or, as we
would call him, “the cock of the school”. In all my time there, I don’t recall him ever hitting
anyone, but the threat of it was enough, and this reputation obviously spread to Burton
Salmon, where the players would rather pass him the ball than tackle him. Even Mr Geraghty
called him “Danger Man Kelsey”. It was always best to stay out of his way on the pitch.
Four last things to say: I don’t remember Mrs Milner but we often had supply teachers,
especially when the class was split into groups; I appear to have forgotten how to spell “and”;
this is the earliest surviving example of me writing about my own life; and this is one of
several examples of me being a tell-tale tit - but I’ll talk more about that later.
Fairburn v Burton Salmon
FAIRBURN
The place where I wrote
all this rubbish
The Forgotten World
John and Mick fall foul
of some extreme
potholing
Bonfire Night
Waen’s first time at the
annual village fireworks
display
Great Space Battles
Three mighty empires
take their first steps
into outer space
TOPIC 2
The one where it all
kicks off
TERM 1
A day-by-day account of
Waen’s first term at
Fairburn School
TERM 2
The birth of the 1980s -
Blake’s 7, Blondie and
battles in space
TOPIC 1
He knows the names of
all the dinosaurs
The Fugitive
A man runs - but who is
he? And what is he
running from?
The Flame in the
Desert
An evil fire threatens
the safety of the world
As someone with absolutely no interest in sport
whatsoever, I’m very surprised at how much sport-
related content there is in my Fairburn work. This is
the first piece I wrote about my own life at Fairburn
and it’s about a football match between our school
and another school in one of the neighbouring
villages. These games were quite frequent, taking
place at least once a half-term between ourselves
and the junior schools of either Burton Salmon or
Brotherton. Not only is this the first such match I
ever played, it’s also probably the first proper
football match I ever played, full stop. Prior to this, it
hadn’t ever really occurred to me to do it. I’m sure
some kids probably played football at my previous
school but I certainly wasn’t one of them. I wasn’t
averse to kicking a ball about every now and again
with my mates, but I had no real understanding of
the rules of football and had never been interested
in it as a spectator sport. Oh yes, I loved watching
the football results at the end of Grandstand, but
only because it meant Doctor Who was about to
start.
At Fairburn, however, liking football was mandatory.
Playtimes (there were three daily - mid-morning,
lunchtime and mid-afternoon) were dominated by
the sport. The L-shaped junior playground was
basically a big concrete football pitch, a game being
held virtually every single break in the main section
of the yard. Girls weren’t allowed to play, of course,
meaning they were relegated to the tiny area round
the side of the school by the toilets. As far as the
boys were concerned, if you didn’t play football, you
were a girl. Over time, I would come to hate this and
eventually rebelled against it (and sport in general),
but when I first moved to Fairburn, all I wanted was
to be accepted. Though occasionally I would stare
enviously into the infants playground, where they
were allowed to run around making silly noises and
mess about on the climbing frame.
Fitting in was an uphill struggle. I was marked out as
a freak straight away because of my Bristol City bag.
The other boys all supported Leeds United without
question, so a bag proclaiming support for Bristol
City clearly wouldn’t be tolerated. What made it
worse was that I didn’t support Bristol City anyway - I
just liked the bag because it was red (I really, really
liked red) and of the three bags available in
Thourgood’s sweet shop that day, it was definitely
the most visually appealing. Since I was new, the
other kids gave me the benefit of the doubt and
tutored me in the ways of Fairburn. By the end of the
year, I had a Leeds United bag instead, plus a Leeds
United away strip (yellow shirt and blue shorts), a
Leeds United towel and a pair of football boots. After
which, I was fully accepted.
This match against Burton Salmon was a test.
Though I’d played football in the playground, when it
came to a proper match against another school, I
was an unknown quantity. Hence sitting on the
substitute bench for the first half. When it came to
my position as “defender” - well, I didn’t have the
passion to be a striker and I hated being in goal
(didn’t like having balls kicked at me, to be frank), so
defence was a good place for me. As I remember, to
my surprise, the other boys all agreed I performed
quite admirably - we won this match after all, despite
the opposing team being “up our end” for most of
the match, so I probably did something right. Before
long, I had a reputation amongst my peers as a
“good defender”.
The real man of the match though was obviously
Wayne Kelsey. Even though he was only in the
second year, Wayne had a reputation for being the
hardest kid in Fairburn - or, as we would call him,
“the cock of the school”. In all my time there, I don’t
recall him ever hitting anyone, but the threat of it
was enough, and this reputation obviously spread to
Burton Salmon, where the players would rather pass
him the ball than tackle him. Even Mr Geraghty
called him “Danger Man Kelsey”. It was always best
to stay out of his way on the pitch.
Four last things to say: I don’t remember Mrs Milner
but we often had supply teachers, especially when
the class was split into groups; I appear to have
forgotten how to spell “and”; this is the earliest
surviving example of me writing about my own life;
and this is one of several examples of me being a
tell-tale tit - but I’ll talk more about that later.
Fairburn v Burton Salmon
HISTORY 1
Sept 1979 - Oct 1981
SCIENCE 1
Sept 1979 - Mar 1980
GEOGRAPHY 1
Sept 1979 - Feb 1981
The Forgotten World
John and Mick fall foul
of some extreme
potholing
Bonfire Night
Waen’s first time at the
annual village fireworks
display
String Orchestra
A visit from the North
Yorkshire County
Council Orchestra
TERM 1
A day-by-day account of
Waen’s first term at
Fairburn School
The Fugitive
A man runs - but who is
he? And what is he
running from?
The Flame in the
Desert
An evil fire threatens
the safety of the world