A-Maze-ing!

March 1980

TOPIC 1 He knows the names of all the dinosaurs

TERM 2 The birth of the 1980s - Blake’s 7, Blondie and battles in space

< Captain Carnivore

Super Jesus >

The Flame in the Desert An evil fire threatens the safety of the world

The first of many terrible mazes and puzzles of all kinds that litter the pages of my Topic books, this relatively uncomplicated maze is primarily inspired by one of my multiple obsessions at the time, a Marvel Monthly called Superhero Fun and Games, which somehow managed to combine the immense attraction of mazes, word searches and superheroes to form a dazzling, hypnotic wonder that must have been like catnip to nerdy eight year old boys like me. I bought the first six issues (plus the preceding Winter Special) and somehow managed to keep them all over the ensuing four decades, mainly thanks to never meeting anyone who wanted to nick them off me. Apparently they’re quite rare now. But before you get any ideas about breaking into my flat and nicking them off me, I have to tell you I’ve drawn all over them, so they will be worth approximately zero pence. Yes - the title’s just a silly pun. But the most amazing thing about this maze is the thought that I could get away with implying it was amazing. It’s not. It’s terrible. I’ve tried to make it interesting by adding a Donkey Kong-style platform box (before Donkey Kong was even invented!) and a horizontal line just over halfway down, implying some deeper level of the maze below the top half that, if this were in colour, would have been a diffferent colour. But none of this can disguise the basic fact that this maze is utterly, irredeemably shit. The worst thing about it isn’t it’s ugliness or the fact that it’s all wonky because I’m too lazy to use a ruler. It’s simply that it doesn’t work. You can’t actually complete the maze. This is basically because, in my hurry to draw my amazing maze and prove how amazing I am, I’ve managed to slip with my pencil and draw a line across the only way out of the Donkey Kong-style platform box/rib cage/cistern- type structure, and upon noticing this, I didn’t think “Oh no! What a terrible mistake! I’d better erase it and re-draw it so this maze I just spent an hour drawing can be completed.” No, I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “Who cares?” Well, in one way, I was right, because I doubt the teacher ever even looked at this, but if he did, that would make a grand total of two people who’ve ever seen it. And if he didn’t care, why should I? But Shepherd, you short-sighted fool! Didn’t you realise that one day you’d grow up to be a sad fifty year old man who’s got nothing better to do than upload his old schoolbooks to the internet for the whole world to see? They’re all gonna think you’re a right doofus! Let’s hope you redeem yourself with your next maze. Oh and one last thing: eagle-eyed eraserheads will notice that, despite Mr Geraghty’s insistence that we never use rubbers, I’ve definitely used one here, to erase the original title on this page - ‘JUPE’. This isn’t the first time I’ve erased this title. Maybe one day we’ll strike lucky and find out what it means?

Florence Nightingale What if Florence Nightingale had lived in the Year 2000?

Optical Illusion Time Amazing visual tricks that will boggle your mind!

The Origin of Electro Waen Shepherd, TV Star, turns evil and drains the city!